gimp diaries: day VII

Well.  It’s official.  Not Broken.

So yep, that means there’s no other reason for the, now, 7 days of intense pain other than my wrist catching all of my weight when I fell on it.  That whole gravity thing didn’t help either.

This means no cyborg super wrist.  Though they did get rid of the fiberglass half-cast and gave me this beefed up brace.

They also gave me propoxyphene-n (something I’m familiar with).  So at least the pain should be going away, and well, who does’t love narcotic pain medicines?  (Especially ones with warnings like these: “Dangerous side effects or death can occur when alcohol is combined with a narcotic pain medicine.”)

The doctor wants me to do an MRI, but I’m not so much in the mood for that or its costs.  If it doesn’t get better after a month or so, I’ll have it checked out again.  But for right now it’s just going to be me and the propoxyphene-n.

a cyborg super wrist would have been much more awesome

gimp diaries: day VI

I got to hang out with Mennogirl a little but this weekend.  It was nice to get a small chance to chat for a bit.

One of the things we talked about is the emotional toll injuries can take on us.  And yes, this is indeed in reference to the slight depression I’ve been in since the fall.  The continuous pain has taken an effect on me that I wasn’t quite expecting.

I find myself torn between wanting to be social and wanting to just hide under my covers until it goes away.  I think I’m over the enbarrassment, but I don’t like being in pain and similarly, I guess I don’t like feeling weak and helpless.  Yet, all I want is for someone to be there for me, for someone to hold me and comfort me and make me feel like maybe things aren’t so bad.  But I don’t have that type of person in my life right now.  It’s just me, and some pretty awesome friends and my family.

And it’s when you already feel like crap that your mind likes to remind you of the things you want but can’t have — to rub salt in it and make you feel like it just might be your own fault for these things, that maybe you’re not good enough.  Then with these emotional blinders on, you only seem to be noticing the negative things happening in your life….. when really, you’re just an injured young woman who just wants a little bit of attention… a little compassion…

So, this little gimpy girl is trying to do her best.  It sucks when other not-so-great things are happening all at once…  But I’m getting through it.  Somethings are just out of my control, and while that sucks — I just need to trust something greater, and know that things will work out.

gimp diaries: day III

Falling asleep is easier.  And I’ve decided that this is a state of being that I should be in more.  It’s basically the only time I get a break from the pain.

I’ve been bitching and moaning a lot, and will be for the next ever.  Now don’t mistake my woe for mere hyperbole.  Oh no, I am indeed in pain.  I’ve been about at an 8 or above since the accident and the shock/embarrassment wore off.

(click the graphic for more info)

So 3 days of pain.  Pain that’s been on the same severity.  Pain that makes me want to stab my arm, or at the very least gnaw it off.  I hate my wrist.  I don’t want my wrist.  I want a shiny new cyborg super wrist.

It’s been like having a car park on your wrist for a few days… every once in a while some one gets in the car for a bit, maybe they have a party in there.  Or it’s like getting your wrist smashed by a large sledge and then put into a vise.  Not to mention this is the worse my paresthesia has been.  I can feel all the painful muscle spasms.  When I move it feels like things are hitting each other in there.

For 3 straight days of pain… I’m definitely irritable (more so than normal).  I’m definitely finding myself trying to fight back tears.  And I’m definitely ready for this to be over.  For all this pain, there had better be something wrong.  There has to be something to justify and for my mind to rationalize all of this.  Otherwise, some one’s getting cast-slapped.

maybe the doctors should have given me Rx pain meds...

gimp diaries: day II

The pain seems to be about the same.  Or at least, it’s not getting better.

Sleeping wasn’t all that fun as I had no idea what to do with my casty-wrist.  Eventually I figured out that I could use my contoured pillow for cushioning and support and just place my wrist in the curve.  Old habits from sleeping alone still happen, and some minor awkward flailing happened — each time waking me up in pain.

Showering was a new challenge.  My half-cast can’t get wet, so I zip-locked my arm in a large baggie.  It still wasn’t completely leak proof, so I ended up having to hold my arm up for pretty much the entire shower.  Shampoo and conditioner were applied directly to my head then worked through…. Shaving, and also applying deodorant were equally challenging.  Imaging doing a one-armed chicken dance, only instead of just flapping you’re attempting to carefully use a 4-blade razor or a stick of deodorant which claims to go on clear…  Sadly, with my previous temporary paralysis in high school, I do have some experience with this — though that gimpy hand could get wet.

It’s only been one day, but I’m already starting to think that some sort of house elf, man-slave, or droid would be nice.  I’m trying to simplify my wardrobe to easy-on easy-off clothes (and shoes, with the exception of the snow boots).  However, even just last night I was almost bested by a can of spaghetti-o’s (with meatballs).  My roommate had to open the can and then put it in a bowl for me.  I can still feed myself thankfully.  I don’t know if I trust my friends to feed me.

Anyway. Day II and I’m rocking a sling.  It’s mostly to keep me from smashing my wrist into things and serves as a great reminder to not use that hand.  It’s disco silver and adorned with my Mucca Pazza button (which is bright pink).

did I also mention I'm trying maxium strength pain killers?