Posts Tagged ‘anxiety’

small updates…

21 November 2008

So I got psychoanalyzed or something yesterday.
Basically I just talked to a dude for an hour and we ended up discussing treatment methods. We decided a combination of medication and therapy would be the ideal situation. So I’ve started Lorazepam (.5mg) daily. (Yay, something new to add to my bag-o-pills.)  I’ve still got to set up the therapy….  Anyway.  I did learn that I did not actually have hallucinations — just illusions.  Which is nice to know.  At least I’m not as crazy as I thought.

I know everyone deals with anxiety… but when it gets to a point of where you can’t really tell what’s causing it anymore, or when you just can’t control it… then it’s time to consider help.  I couldn’t really control my emotions for most of this week.  So I’m hoping the pills will help me deal with the day-to-day while the therapy will work on new methods of dealing with things and addressing these issues.  What I was doing wasn’t really working, so it only make sense to seek some outside help.


Now for something completely different…

I’m not sure what I think about GMail’s themes….

For one, there is very slim section, and they’re not customizable.  (So no gray and pink for me…. or no pink dinosaurs…)  Granted, I do feel that too much freedom will result in nastiness.  (The mail program we used in college, one of them at least, well… I had some friends who tried to make it the loudest non-readable color scheme you could think of…)  .. But well, simple customizations would be nice.  Also well, I’m not a big fan of the nature or the overly cutesy stuff right now.   So I of course went with minimalist, and am letting my labels add some color.

gmail011

moving forward…

20 November 2008

my anxiety levels are still pretty high, to the point of emotional instability…
this is definitely not a place I want to be…

so last night I went to the doctor.  she really couldn’t do much for me herself, but I’m seeing another doctor this afternoon.  From this appointment we’ll find out if I need some sort of medication to assist me in the short term.  For the long term, we’re looking at having me meet with someone on a regular basis.  I’m not sure for how long, but probably until I’m able to manage things on my own.

It’s not always easy to talk about mental and emotional health issues.  They can be embarrassing… Granted, I find some of the physical things I’ve gone through embarrassing as well.  But today I’ll get an hour to speak freely about what’s going on in my mind.  And I’ll get probably an hour a week for a while to talk about it too.

At this point, I just want to be healthy.  And I’ve come to a point where I know I need some outside help as well.
Crossing my fingers and moving forward.

it sucks to be me.

18 November 2008

It Sucks to Be Me - Avenue Q

Actually, it doesn’t.  But I’m currently not doing so well.  My boss has actually given me permission to go home if needed.  But I’m going to attempt to stick it out if I can.  (I’m still out of sick days.)

The short of it is that I feel that I am verging on a nervous break down, an anxiety attack.  I was tittering on tears within 30 minutes of arriving to work.  Not really an emotional/mental state I like to be in.  If I felt that being at home could some how help me resolve this, I’d be there.  Especially since I don’t think I’ll be very productive here, which has been a sad new trend this past month.

I’m not really quite sure what’s the root of all of this either.  I don’t feel like there’s anything in my life right now that would warrant this sort of stress.  It’s just there.  Which makes me wonder if there’s some sort of chemical/nutrient that I’m low on… specifically B12.  I’ve mention it before, but I’m fairly convinced that I have a B12 deficiency.  It’s in my family, and I’ve showed symptoms for years.

I feel that I should see my doctor… I just don’t know how to approach it.  There’s the anxiety, the tiredness, the dizziness (which could just be my vertigo), lightheadedness, feeling weak, and yeah, I’m sort of feeling emotionally down… but not depressed… I don’t know.. I’m still able to be happy too.  But I just get in these little funks.  … Also, the thing I dislike admitting… I’m sort of seeing things.  Mostly out of the corner of my eye, something that’s not in focus, but I think I see something (when I was driving I thought I saw a large fake tan cow by the road — up about a quarter of a mile).. and then when I go to actually look at it, it’s not there.  This is definitely troubling to me.  And embarrassing.

I’ve also realized that I really need to be proactive in taking care of myself.  I want to feel healthy.  I’m thinking of join the gym with my coworkers, Meaghan & Dani — or maybe finding another place to join with someone or to do a program at home or something.  I want to start attending Meeting for Worship again.  There’s a meeting close to me that I’ve attended in the past, but I haven’t been to since May… and a group of them also meet with some Friends in the city on Wednesdays — so I might join that.  I’d like to join a meeting with a good number of young adult Friends, but I’m not sure if there really are that many in the area.

Anyway.  I also want to eat better.  Probably try to remove a lot of the processed things.  I should also look at meats and/or meat alternatives.  We talk about GIGO at work, and have even discussed it in terms of dietary preferences and choices.  Any small steps I can take at getting better is a good move in my eyes.