Posts Tagged ‘grad school’

damn my indecisive nature

25 November 2008

So, I’m doing it again… over thinking and reconsidering my options for grad school.

I’m still very confident that I want to go to Columbia College.  I’m not questioning that.  It’s been more of figuring out which program would be best for me there.

My first thoughts have been the AEMM program.  With that, I thought I’d choose Media Management (MM) as my concentration.  I was happy.  I had made my decision.  And then I started thinking about it.  I wasn’t exactly sure what I could do with an MAM (Masters in Media Management) in MM.  I wasn’t quite sure what I knew of MM at all.  I just knew it was the business side to film, radio, tv, newspapers and magazines.  Well, that could be almost anything.

I also toyed around in AEMM with the thought of Music Business Management (MBM) and Preformance Arts Management (PAM)… MBM was simply because I love audio.  I love live sound, I loved working in the radio business… I just wanted to be with music.  But I couldn’t see myself getting completely passionate about that — at least, not in comparison to my other passion… and PAM, well, that was just because I was a decent stage manager and enjoyed it.

But no.  I know my true passion… and well, if I’m going to get anywhere, I should go with this.
Documentaries.  Wildlife documentaries to be more specific…
I have been an animal nut since I was born.  And, thanks to my dad a lot, I have a decent background in audio/visual which led me to film and broadcast for a while.  And well, I just can’t deny it… I just want to get back into film.  There’s just something about using film in an educational purpose.  I want to travel, to get into communities and work with them on creating educational pieces about their environments for their communities and for the greater population.  I’ve worked on various films and videos since my junior year of high school (2001)…. and in college I worked on two documentaries, one of which won an award (I was the Associate Producer).

Basically now… I’m tossing around between AEMM and Columbia’s Film program… Film school has always intimidated me.  And an old producer of mine adviced against it… but this is a spring board for me to get back into this.  A means for pushing me forward.  I don’t doubt my passion at all.  I just need to find the confidence to pursue this next step.

Associate Producing in South Africa (that day meant boom mic op)

Associate Producing in South Africa (that day meant boom mic op)

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home, bittersweet home….

21 October 2008

I moved to the Second City in June 2007.
I decided to move in May… I had thought about it before, but well, Chrissy sort of pushed that to a firm yes.  I think it may have taken me two weeks to find an apartment, sign a lease, and then move in to said apartment.

I was in Edgewater for about 9 months.  3 of those months I was an unemployed hermit.  I only left my apartment for food about once every two weeks.  Occasionally I’d head off to the library.  Mostly I stayed home in my 11 x 15 studio with one window.
This really wasn’t a healthy situation for me.

Eventually I found gainful employment, and due to Steph’s marriage, was asked to move to Evanston with live with Becca, Mennogirl, and jrosei.  There’s two apartments, one on 2nd (mine) and one on 3rd.  I actually only live with Becca.

There are a few things I didn’t know about when I moved… The deposit was huge.  My half was huge.  It was more than my buy-out fee for ending my lease 15 months early (never, never get a 2 year lease).  Also, the rent was really cheap, but this was because our building is considered low income (or something near that).  I knew it was a co-op, and that we’d own a share in the building.  This means attending meetings, assisting with work days, monthly cleaning, and basically being proactive as apart of the building community (as well as planning to be there for a bit longer term).

I acknowledge that I’m a difficult person to live with.  I have my quirks.  And apparently, I have some sort of mild OCD-neurosis when it comes to the kitchen — the fridge mainly.  However, Libby’s assured me, this isn’t a mental quirk, this is normal.
Anyway… moving into this apartment was definitely a healthy and good decision for me.  Since Chrissy moved away, I really needed to be around people.  More so than just work.  So moving in with “the girls” was a good thing for me.  We’d all gone to college together.  Mennogirl, jrosei and I lived in China together.  I knew Becca, but well, honestly we never hung out in college.  Living with her has been the first time for me to really get to know her.  There have been some challenges — again, this is me acknowledging I can be a difficult person to live with.

With my decision to attend grad school, I decided that I want to move closer to that campus and have a longer commute for work.  (Grad school would be in the loop, work is on the northern side of the Northern Territories.)  All of the girls, Libby now included (Mennogirl moved down the alley and Libby moved in), knew I had planned on moving for school.  My goal was to convince Chrissy to come back to me and we could live together.  This is still in negotiations.

Anyway.  With the uncertainty of who I’ll be living with, I at least have the neighborhood picked out.  Right now I’m focusing on moving down to the Southern Lands of Pilsen.  Weiss, who lives there, is assisting in finding some reasonable dwellings.  Since Chrissy is being all academic at grad school now, if she were to come back it would be in June.  However, after more talks with a handful of people, and more time spent down south, I have been toying with the idea that if for some sad reason Chrissy won’t move back, then I’d be willing to move in March.

I hadn’t mentioned this to my current roommate until last night.  I didn’t feel the need to add stress when I really don’t have any of the details worked out.  I only told her last night because I just now found out that she will be quitting her job in January and at this point doesn’t have a plan other than to just find work elsewhere.  With this information, it felt wrong not letting her know.

Anyway… without letting this post get too long… I’m having an interesting time dealing with this whole living situation.  I enjoy the girls, and there are a lot of aspects about the apt that I like.  However, I won’t deny that this hasn’t necessarily been my ideal situation.  It is definitely better than where I was at in many ways.  I’m becoming ready to move on.  But as my excitement builds, I feel this dragging guilt.  That in some ways I’m a bad person for moving.  That I shouldn’t feel so happy to be moving.

It’s my personal decision to move, and I have multiple reasons.  I’ve had a small handful of people telling me to move to Pilsen for well over 6 months now.  And while I realize that my move will change things, and put Becca into a situation she probably doesn’t want to be in — everything’s sort of raining on my parade.  I’ve been in a rainy (and hail-y) parade.  It’s no fun.

It’s hard to know where to be.  I don’t want my roommates to feel that I am abandoning them.  I realize it’s probably hard for them to be supportive of me and excited with/for me when it’s going to bring new challenges to them.  But, with risking sounding too selfish, I need this change.  The Northern Territories were good for me, but I’m ready to get back into an active social life — just an active life all together.  The kittens and I are ready for a new phase.