Posts Tagged ‘quaker’

it sucks to be me.

18 November 2008

It Sucks to Be Me - Avenue Q

Actually, it doesn’t.  But I’m currently not doing so well.  My boss has actually given me permission to go home if needed.  But I’m going to attempt to stick it out if I can.  (I’m still out of sick days.)

The short of it is that I feel that I am verging on a nervous break down, an anxiety attack.  I was tittering on tears within 30 minutes of arriving to work.  Not really an emotional/mental state I like to be in.  If I felt that being at home could some how help me resolve this, I’d be there.  Especially since I don’t think I’ll be very productive here, which has been a sad new trend this past month.

I’m not really quite sure what’s the root of all of this either.  I don’t feel like there’s anything in my life right now that would warrant this sort of stress.  It’s just there.  Which makes me wonder if there’s some sort of chemical/nutrient that I’m low on… specifically B12.  I’ve mention it before, but I’m fairly convinced that I have a B12 deficiency.  It’s in my family, and I’ve showed symptoms for years.

I feel that I should see my doctor… I just don’t know how to approach it.  There’s the anxiety, the tiredness, the dizziness (which could just be my vertigo), lightheadedness, feeling weak, and yeah, I’m sort of feeling emotionally down… but not depressed… I don’t know.. I’m still able to be happy too.  But I just get in these little funks.  … Also, the thing I dislike admitting… I’m sort of seeing things.  Mostly out of the corner of my eye, something that’s not in focus, but I think I see something (when I was driving I thought I saw a large fake tan cow by the road — up about a quarter of a mile).. and then when I go to actually look at it, it’s not there.  This is definitely troubling to me.  And embarrassing.

I’ve also realized that I really need to be proactive in taking care of myself.  I want to feel healthy.  I’m thinking of join the gym with my coworkers, Meaghan & Dani — or maybe finding another place to join with someone or to do a program at home or something.  I want to start attending Meeting for Worship again.  There’s a meeting close to me that I’ve attended in the past, but I haven’t been to since May… and a group of them also meet with some Friends in the city on Wednesdays — so I might join that.  I’d like to join a meeting with a good number of young adult Friends, but I’m not sure if there really are that many in the area.

Anyway.  I also want to eat better.  Probably try to remove a lot of the processed things.  I should also look at meats and/or meat alternatives.  We talk about GIGO at work, and have even discussed it in terms of dietary preferences and choices.  Any small steps I can take at getting better is a good move in my eyes.

a summary of three days

20 October 2008

My weekend started with seeing Deerhoof at the Metro. Adam, Weiss and I decided to meet up for all you can eat sushi beforehand. Indeed. The ninja roll wasn’t terrible (though Adam didn’t like it), but the tofu roll went over well (as I knew it would).
Anyway. Deerhoof included free tortilla chips and bread. Plus, it was just an all around enjoyable concert. I wish I was a little asian girl. And a drummer. I’ve decided I sort of like (good) female drummers*.

my latest addiction

my latest addiction

This beauty pwnd my saturday. Seriously.
I had thought about purchasing one for a while.  I nearly bought one while in NYC a few years back with WGCS — we were at a radio conference.  There was much win for the Globe that trip.  (We brought a Wii with us.)
Anyway.  DS.  Shiny.  I bought two games to start with — Brain Age and Mario Party — but will gladly take old used games off anyone’s hands.  Hell, I’ll take new games too.
I have a feeling my mom will buy me Super Monkey Ball for christmas…

Sunday was a national holiday.  Hopefully you didn’t miss out on it.  It’s too bad if you did.
Libby‘s birthday.
Much fun was had.
I started my day with her, attending her church — which mostly made me miss attending Meeting.  I might start going again… After church was lunch at Buffalo Joe’s — which will be featured on Wing Chicks soon.  I played more DS… and then met up with Libby and her man Zach… and we all progressed to dinner at a tapas restaurant.  Becca, jrosei, and Mennogirl met up with us a bit later (apparently The Google can be wrong).  … I skipped out before dessert.

Eventually I found my way to a Pink Line, and was heading to the Southern Lands of Pilsen.
Potluck is always a good time.
I succeeded at spending more than 30 minutes with Dan too.  (And I’m starting to believe that he’s possibly one of my best dressed friends.)
My day concluded with good people, good conversation, and more wine.  (Oh. Yeah.  Zombie Zin = not half bad and pretty easy to drink.)   I’m thoroughly enjoying this attractive group of people and definitely am looking forward to Sunday evenings.  And well, I think it’s been decided that there will be a migration from the Northern Territories to the South… in less than a year.

*(asian) female drummer not found in deerhoof.. but in one of the openers…